Dreams and Change

Recently I dreamt about snakes twice. But only recall one of the dreams where I saved my girlfriend from being attacked by it. Mum asked me to check out what it meant. It stated on the web that it symbolises change, a certain problem one may be going through.

Well I guess it was both. The time of problem came and the time of change followed behind. I know it still haunts my dearest to find out what she had to find out and I do understand everything she did... But I'm grateful for her being able to somehow accept what's laid out on e table.. To help me overcome what i have to by just being there. Being supportive.
We've really went through so much in these 4 months that we're together. And learnt and discovered so much through all the obstacles.
I really do cherish every single moment i spend with her. I don't mean to bring it back up again but I just want you, my dear, to know, that even though I may have done what I did, at the end of the day, you're the only one i want....

Love, Your One & Only
Shaun. *muacks* <33

I Dream, I Wish, I Pray, I Hope; I Love You Always....

Can't sleep tonight... kept waking up at the slightest sounds... Wishing it was a message, a call, some words.. a voice... Instead it was merely the ticking of my clock, the shifting of furniture or some random people downstairs.

I wish we could put it all behind us. My stupid mistakes. My insensitivity... I wish I could relive those moments with what I know now... I never wanted to hurt you... I had already dreamed so much of the future... You are the first person that I've ever let bunk in with me as and when you feel like it... The first person I've ever been so honest with... To share so much with you... But I guess I was too honest... I guess I just said too much...

You are a beautiful person... Sweet, understanding, caring, loving, cute, pretty, generous, strong, the list goes on...

But I guess for now your mind's made up... I can't change it for you. I can only tell you that I still love you and I'm willing to do anything to keep us, US...

I still hope that it's just one of those fights I hear couples have... And then in time, patch back and be as one again.

The key that I duplicated, was for you... The wine in my fridge was for us to drink together. The car I rented was for me to bring you around.

I never felt irritated with you using my comp, playing your games, doing your shopping. I never thought one bit that you were fat even though you always say you were and wanted to diet and exercise. I always wanted for you to just eat well. To not fall sick.

God brought us together and let us be together. I find it hard to believe he wants it to end this way. So I believe if it is in His will, we would be happy together.

The past is the past, it's been cried over, learnt from and the pages turned.

We've already been through so much together...

Sighs... guess it is only up to God and you... If you really want to do what you want to, I won't stand in your way... I won't make it any more difficult for you... All I ask is for you to know that I'll always be here for you... That I'll be waiting... Waiting for you to pray and think about it as you said you would...

I will never ever forget you... I will never forget the times we shared together. All the fun and laughter, all the tears and sadness. Sharing our lives together...

I was so excited when mum said she was willing to teach you to bake. When Dad was sharing all his toy collections with you and you found it so cool.

And also Butter being so jealous over you. Even wanting to squeeze in between us and finally after some time she in a way accepted you as family.

I love it when you sneeze, it's so cute. I love it when you gave me my first flying kiss and it just grew onto me. I love it when you tickle me. I love it when you smile... when you say those three words... When you listen to my heartbeat. When you worry about my hand getting numb because you're lying on it. And There's just so many other things I Love about you....

I wish you're not just a shooting star... To see, experience and share something so beautiful and in a brief moment, it's all gone...

I wish I could mend that broken pieces... I wish I could make all the hurt and troubles go away. But I can't... I'm only human...

For all that you are, from the very bottom of my heart, I Love You... Always...

I'll Be Right Here Waiting For You...

Love Always

Your Dearest Shaun *hugs* <33

Gonna try and slp now...

Turning 22

So perhaps if you've yet to ask, you may be asking, how does it feel or what does it me for me to turn 22.

Honestly it's no difference from when I turned 21, or 20, or 19, etc. To me, age is really but a number (except when it comes to certain things that has to do with age gaps and when the person is really elderly, etc)

Ok enough of all that. This is how my 22nd birthday went;

I took leave for 4 shifts. Meaning 2 morning shifts and 2 night shifts. Had it all planned to just enjoy or bum around during my birthday. It went pretty good. Till the 31st of Oct 2011 at about 2pm or so where my deputy team leader (Assistant Supervisor) sent me a message to ask if I can be recalled back night shift duty. It felt sucky and all but I just had to say okay due to manpower constraints and also that he could not find an alternative at such short notice. Reluctantly I said I will be there but I'll be late. So I arrived thinking that I would partner my supervisor and that I'll be able to have enough rest for the next day as it was already planned that my girlfriend together with my colleague and his girlfriend would all go to Malaysia together.

However that wasn't the case and I ended doing Proactive patrol with my colleague who'd be going to Malaysia together with me. I managed to catch less than 10mins of sleep and unfortunately he did not catch a wink the whole night.

After knocking off during the de-briefing, someone said that the Operation Officer, or OO (2nd in command of the NPC) wanted to see us for a briefing at level one. I was like what the hell does he want this time. Some speculated it was about a project we were tasked as a team to do and others said it was probably about our shift. Anyways, bottom line is that I was annoyed, NO, SUPER ANNOYED that it had to happen after our shift and all as I wanted to go meet up with my girlfriend, go home and get some rest then head in to Malaysia.

As I entered the room, I found that OO was not in the darn room! I thought to myself, WTF! you called for the briefing, asked us to wait and now we're down and you want us to wait some more!?

I walked in some more and I was SHOCKED, DUMFOUNDED. I saw my girlfriend and my colleagues girlfriend in the corner standing, with my GF holding a cake with lit candles and all my team members and the two of them started singing happy birthday (i was still in shock at this point) It was really by far the best birthday of my 22 years that I can recall! I was really moved and touched by it. Plus my girlfriend actually baked a cake for me and everyone to eat. The cake was nice!

After that headed back home, slept and met up with my colleague and entered Malaysia. Had Swensens, went shopping at city square and watched "In Time" at Cathay in City Square Malaysia. Had a really great time.

So that was more or less my 2011's 22nd Birthday.

So now I'm gonna make another trip round the sun, so tata till my 23rd!

Love

Shaun :)

Unexpected

I didn't know why or what exactly I was doing. It just felt so random. The sudden urge to click on your name and then press a few keys like how i'm doing now.
Who knew we'd be so open with each other. I'd often be quite secretive. Uncomfortable, excited and interesting it was at first. A few first times came through that too, but that's another story.
Who knew we'd meet up so soon.
Who knew it'd be so different seeing each other in person.
Who knew that it would take an entirely different path.

It was nice seeing you the first time. The first thing that caught me, your nice big lovely eyes (It still catches me)
Then when you spoke; I heard your sweet cute voice.
When you shared your stories, Your life.

I know you've shared so much, or rather almost everything with me about yourself and I haven't said much.
But I guess I'm just a simple guy (or i think or try to be).
Everything moved so fast from then, I never expected those three, precious words to come so fast, but it did and I was somewhat surprised, but I think I didn't show it.

I was a little nervous to meet your mum and brother, but things turned out alright I guess. :)

I thank God that I came into your life at the right time. You may say that it's unfair and all, But He has indeed gotten me, that night, to click on your name and chat you up for a greater reason. And looking back, seeing how it all happened, He really works in mysterious ways.

I'm not blind to your flaws, neither am I ignorant to your past and your present obstacles. I see through them. I see what's deep down inside you, and I Love You for that, for who you are...

I can't promise you the moon and the stars.
Neither can I promise you the land and the seas.
I can't promise to solve your problems
Nor promise to make all your dreams come true.
But I can promise to care for and love you.
I can promise to be your listening ear, to be that shoulder.

Loving You Always
Shaun <3 ^^

Life...
In life, it's full of ups and downs. Trials and tribulations. Some big, some small.
We all face them. From fincance, to relationships with friends, family and those whom we hold so very dear; to our job, to where our future leads to.
Sometimes everything may seem so smooth sailing, so great. But inevitably we all hit a brick wall sometime. We all find obstacles laid in our way. It don't matter who placed it there or why it was. It don't matter how big or small and how many cuts you're gonna get.
What matters the most is what we learn out of getting through those obstacles, those brick walls. How much and how we would grow through the experience of those tough times. But sometimes we don't always get through those obstacles, sometimes we falter and crumble; so what then?
Like a baby who's locked in a room alone, it cries. It cries out to the world, to those who can hear and care to stop and help.
There will always be people to stop and help. All you have to do is open your mouth and ask. You must share your story and others can share theirs with you. If you have a tummy ache and not say a word or do a thing, no one will know.
No one on this earth can go through life alone. Even hermits find their time to be one with their surroundings.

When things aren't going the way we want them to, remember that things never always did. Look back in your life and see those times; when you failed your exam, when you lost a friend, when you lost a bet. Now look at where you are now. Was it all worth it? Did you grow and learn from the happenings in life when things weren't too well? If you didn't, it's time you learn how to.

Sometimes problems remain unsolved, left there with no solution and just seem stagnant to us.

Perhaps they are. but it's just to you. Perhaps it's just the way it was meant to be. Things will change; but not always in the way you'd like it to. If it does, you'll be glad to know that it's how you wished for it to be. But if it doesn't, remember that when one door closes a better one opens.

Death....

Death is a part of life. It's life's change agent. When your time on earth has come to an end, one way or another you will depart from this earth. All your earthly problems and unsettled matters remain the way they are.

They say suicide is painless. That may be so. But suicide does not solve all problems. It solves your own and creates more for the ones who hold you dear.

Sometimes I do think to myself, what if one day I were to just leave this world? What would people say at my eulogy? Who would be there to see me for the last time?

And then the thought of what I would leave behind comes to mind. The thought of those whom I hold so dearly.

When your time has come, then it will be. Your death is not for you to decide. It's your life... you didn't choose to be here, neither can you choose not to be.

Everything happens for a reason.

Have the strength to walk on in life whatever circumstances are.

Have the courage to face and tackle your problems.

Have the faith that in time all things work out for the greater good.

Have the patience to wait on things and people. Not everyone and everything happens at our will.

Have the love of a child, to love purely and unconditionally...

I am but just another person who comes into your life another number.

I may make an impact in your life, positively or negatively, with remembrance or not.

I may be there for you at the toughest of times and just disappear after all is said and done.

You may have learnt a thing or two from me. Pass it on to someone else.

You may hate a thing or two about me; learn it and don't see it in the mirror.

You may have liked or loved me sometime and never said a word, my word to you, there's a reason you didn't

I may have liked or loved you sometime and told you, remember that I'll always be around.

You may see me as strong and with a heart of stone, you really don't know me then.

You may have seen me as someone who doesn't really listen because I never say a word, I do. Sometimes I just don't know what to say.

So to all that has been unsaid, to the ones who have crossed my path, who have came into my life whether you stayed or not. Thank you for being around. My truest deepest thoughts and emotions perhaps, may never really be heard. But it sure will be expressed by the things that I do.

Love

Shaun

PS: I'm alright. just my thoughts at like 220am in the morning.

We are a broken people, walking the face of the earth. Ever wandering through different doors of life finding that certain joy, that certain thing in our very lives to fill the void, to give us that passion in living life as we should.

Some, find in it their work, some find it in friends, in family, some find it in love, some find it in God and the few don't quite seem to ever find it.

The fact of the matter is that no one will ever really know if you have found that one thing; that one thing in your life that makes you feel complete.

Through the smiles and laughs, everyone still has their dark story hidden within that they don't want to talk about. That they would feel ashamed of or just feel the hurt and sadness all over again.

There's no turning back the clock, there's no opening of that same door again where you can just walk in and change one small bit in that room.

The door's shut, the chapter has been closed. All that's left is being able to look through the window and see and remember and learn. To grow and mature.

Everyday we enter a different room, we bring different things and people in there. We put up walls within that room because we don't want people to see certain people or things in our lives for one reason or another. We create our memories in there, build relationships or change them. We try to make that room a wonderful adventure for ourselves and to share with the people we bring into the rooms to experience.

But sometimes, what's uninvited finds it's way into the room, and we either settle it, play along with it or ignore it. Then, just like a party at home, it eventually comes to a stop. Gradually, in time, people leave and go their own way. And you, left in that room do the touch ups and eventually leave the room, with the memories, good or bad left there.

The next day we find ourselves opening another door when we open our eyes....

Life's what you make of it. If you go to a website and it's all junk or all it does is scare the crap outta you, you don't find yourself re-visiting that site, unless you can find something which can benefit you in one way or another, if not it's just a waste of time.

Just my thoughts at almost 3am in the morning. Perhaps more may come tmr.